(Thanks to Melanie, who suggested that I email my posts to myself from work since we cannot access Blogspot from there. Props, girl!)
Last night, I was talking to my friend Chris B. He is the one that recommended I try the EA Sport Active 30 Day Challenge, as it really helps him get motivated. Anyway, he and I were chatting about the workouts and such, and he mentioned how much he hates the squat holds. I had never done them, so I couldn't relate.
That all changed this morning. The damn game added it to the rotation. Now, I am on the low intensity version of the workouts because, let's face it, I am very obese and out of shape. I am not kidding myself about it when it comes to my workout since my asthma could kill me. And having blacked out once during a workout (I was doing crunches, thankfully), I am not willing to push myself to that point ever again. So low intensity it is.
Back to those squat holds. WHAT THE HELL??? The game designers hate you. You have to know this fact once you get this exercise. I only had to do it twice during the 18 minutes, and then only hold it for 15 seconds, but ow. I mean... ow. I was shaking like a leaf, and the game is telling me to hold still. And the second hold came AFTER I had already done 10 squats!
Of course, Chris points out that this is the time when he starts cursing vehemently at the game, and his kids leave the room. LOL I have to admit, while I held my tongue on the outside (I am trying really hard to keep my son from using the "f" word again), on the inside, I was spouting off like a sailor.
The best part is that it only makes me more determined to do well at the exercise.
And for those that are wondering -- I remembered my inhaler this time.
BTW, I have to cop to something from yesterday. I know I mentioned the donuts, but what really bothers me is how ashamed I was of eating them. I couldn't admit it to my coworkers or my husband at the time, and I promised myself I would not hide my eating in shame. I will not cover it with euphemisms or vagueness, either. So I am going to 'fess up -- I ate two chocolate-covered, old-fashioned donuts from 7-freakin'-11 yesterday. And I felt like CRAP afterward. Part of that was probably the migraine that was coming on at the time, but still. I have no excuse for either eating the donuts (as I wasn't craving them) or lying about them afterward.
So there you have it. Now all I want for lunch today is a big salad.
B
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Happy Birtthday to ME!
I know I haven't updated in awhile. I'm a terrible blogger. Too many other things to do, and a bit of avoidance for talking about this topic mixed in.
The process is slow, but I am sticking to it. I have made every workout day that the EA Sports Active 30 day challenge has asked of me. I have burned over 1000 calories. I have forgotten to use my inhaler and pushed myself too hard. (Yes, not smart, that.) And I am feeling better... walking is easier, sleeping better, etc.
Eating is still a challenge, but my friend Rory made a good point that willpower is finite, and if you are using it to workout, you may not have it to change eating habits. It's okay if I focus on one thing at a time. I can live with this theory right now, as it entails way less guilt and stress (and the resultant emotional eating!) than I normally handle.
The other thing Rory pointed out is that he heard that by drinking too many diet drinks, your body actually craves more sugar because it is only temporarily fooled by the fake stuff. This theory also makes sense to me, and while I try really hard to drink no more than 2 cans a day, there is always room for improvement.
Oh, also, it's my birthday today. I was late this morning, so while I did fine for breakfast (muffin, tea), I fell apart at lunch (Chinese fast food) and snack time (two donuts and a milk). I resisted the Mounds bars that I bought, and I have not had dinner because well, frankly, I still feel a bit sick from the snack and nothing else sounds good right now. Also, I managed to get hit with a migraine this afternoon which didn't help matters and made my stomach nauseous on top of everything. Ugh.
So while today was a rest day, I am really looking forward to working out in the morning.
(And school started, which means I now have to add homework into the mix of time commitments. Am I crazy, or what???)
Off to study before bed.
B
The process is slow, but I am sticking to it. I have made every workout day that the EA Sports Active 30 day challenge has asked of me. I have burned over 1000 calories. I have forgotten to use my inhaler and pushed myself too hard. (Yes, not smart, that.) And I am feeling better... walking is easier, sleeping better, etc.
Eating is still a challenge, but my friend Rory made a good point that willpower is finite, and if you are using it to workout, you may not have it to change eating habits. It's okay if I focus on one thing at a time. I can live with this theory right now, as it entails way less guilt and stress (and the resultant emotional eating!) than I normally handle.
The other thing Rory pointed out is that he heard that by drinking too many diet drinks, your body actually craves more sugar because it is only temporarily fooled by the fake stuff. This theory also makes sense to me, and while I try really hard to drink no more than 2 cans a day, there is always room for improvement.
Oh, also, it's my birthday today. I was late this morning, so while I did fine for breakfast (muffin, tea), I fell apart at lunch (Chinese fast food) and snack time (two donuts and a milk). I resisted the Mounds bars that I bought, and I have not had dinner because well, frankly, I still feel a bit sick from the snack and nothing else sounds good right now. Also, I managed to get hit with a migraine this afternoon which didn't help matters and made my stomach nauseous on top of everything. Ugh.
So while today was a rest day, I am really looking forward to working out in the morning.
(And school started, which means I now have to add homework into the mix of time commitments. Am I crazy, or what???)
Off to study before bed.
B
Thursday, April 1, 2010
April 1-ish Post
(NOTE: This entry was from April 1, I think, but Blogspot was being all wacky and didn't post it. I just realized it was saved, so here it is. I've forgotten completely what it said. LOL)
This morning was a rough start. I stayed home sick yesterday, with a sore throat that made me want to cry, and got a strep test. It came back negative, my doc cleared me for working out (so long as I was careful with the inhaler), and I went home to get some more rest. Of course, sleeping in until 1:30 did not help me, and I found myself unable to go sleep on time. Suddenly, it was 1:00 in the morning, and began to have that bad feeling that I wasn't going to get up in time to workout before work.
Defeatist attitude much?
The alarm went off too early, and I ignored it, all the while thinking to myself that I needed to get up. Finally, about 7:00, an hour after the first alarm and a half hour after the second, I dragged myself out of bed and to the living room. Throw in a few other random delays, and I got my workout started by 7:15 and done by 7:45. Yay!
The scale this morning said 244, which means I lost a pound. More to the point, my back is getting stronger, and I no longer walk two blocks and want to cry. I still feel very weak and out of shape, but I can already feel the improvements. I like that part.
Accomplishments in the game today: Apparently, I have run/walked 25 laps. I hate laps, so this is quite an feat, even if it is only virtual laps. I missed the 5 workouts in 7 days award, but I cannot expect to be perfect. Ever. So I'm okay with it.
I did eat out twice today, but I had a salad and a slice of pesto pizza for lunch and a sandwich for dinner. Nothing too awful, and no binging, so it was a good day. Time now, however, to get some sleep for I must work out in the morning again.
B
This morning was a rough start. I stayed home sick yesterday, with a sore throat that made me want to cry, and got a strep test. It came back negative, my doc cleared me for working out (so long as I was careful with the inhaler), and I went home to get some more rest. Of course, sleeping in until 1:30 did not help me, and I found myself unable to go sleep on time. Suddenly, it was 1:00 in the morning, and began to have that bad feeling that I wasn't going to get up in time to workout before work.
Defeatist attitude much?
The alarm went off too early, and I ignored it, all the while thinking to myself that I needed to get up. Finally, about 7:00, an hour after the first alarm and a half hour after the second, I dragged myself out of bed and to the living room. Throw in a few other random delays, and I got my workout started by 7:15 and done by 7:45. Yay!
The scale this morning said 244, which means I lost a pound. More to the point, my back is getting stronger, and I no longer walk two blocks and want to cry. I still feel very weak and out of shape, but I can already feel the improvements. I like that part.
Accomplishments in the game today: Apparently, I have run/walked 25 laps. I hate laps, so this is quite an feat, even if it is only virtual laps. I missed the 5 workouts in 7 days award, but I cannot expect to be perfect. Ever. So I'm okay with it.
I did eat out twice today, but I had a salad and a slice of pesto pizza for lunch and a sandwich for dinner. Nothing too awful, and no binging, so it was a good day. Time now, however, to get some sleep for I must work out in the morning again.
B
The Title
It probably seems rather silly to spend days contemplating a title for a journal and then realize you are merely using the process as an excuse to keep from actually starting the journal. But I had a vague idea that I would need a title, and nothing was coming to me. Finally, I kicked myself mentally in the ass and told myself to get on with it.
"Defying Gravity, Decreasing Mass"? Part of me thinks it is kind of lame. That is most likely my wonderful sense of self-worth speaking up. Part of me thinks it is perfect. I am a physics major after all, and gravity and mass are, you know, important.
"Defying Gravity", of course, is also a song from the musical "Wicked", and comes at the point when Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West) first casts the spell that makes her broom fly. So it's about overcoming fears and conventions and letting go of the past illusions to be greater and better. Plus, for me, it's represents getting off my lazy, rather large butt and moving around.
"Decreasing Mass" is obvious and is the overall goal here. Duh.
B
"Defying Gravity, Decreasing Mass"? Part of me thinks it is kind of lame. That is most likely my wonderful sense of self-worth speaking up. Part of me thinks it is perfect. I am a physics major after all, and gravity and mass are, you know, important.
"Defying Gravity", of course, is also a song from the musical "Wicked", and comes at the point when Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West) first casts the spell that makes her broom fly. So it's about overcoming fears and conventions and letting go of the past illusions to be greater and better. Plus, for me, it's represents getting off my lazy, rather large butt and moving around.
"Decreasing Mass" is obvious and is the overall goal here. Duh.
B
An Opening Salvo
I told my sister I was thinking of starting a blog to document my weight loss journey. I mentioned it to my mom and my husband and even my World of Warcraft guild. And deep down inside, I fought against the idea because... well, what if I fail? What if I don't find or create inspiration, but I end up worse off than before? Where will I be then? And I'll have a written record through which my friends and family get to peruse and watch me deconstruct or even self- destruct myself?
Hell, no.
But here it is anyway. After all, fear is a poor excuse to not try. (I know, love. "There is no try." Quote it at me later.) So in all its unvarnished, and probably painful, glory, I present to you, if you're not completely bored already, my journal. It probably won't just be about my weight loss journey, since so much of an eating disorder (binge eating and overeating, in my case) is psychological. I am sure it will explore some aspects of my mental health that I would rather keep hidden under a rock.
It will also keep track of boring, mundane information such as when I ate, how much I weigh, and how far I walked. I am warning you in advance.
And I don't know how I feel about comments. This task is hard enough to do with the voices INSIDE my head, so I am not sure about letting all your voices outside chime in as well. I suppose we'll leave it on a trial period and play it by ear at first. I know I can trust D. to talk sense back into me if I get my rather fragile feelings hurt by someone.
I guess it is time to quit procrastinating and just publish the silly thing.
B
Hell, no.
But here it is anyway. After all, fear is a poor excuse to not try. (I know, love. "There is no try." Quote it at me later.) So in all its unvarnished, and probably painful, glory, I present to you, if you're not completely bored already, my journal. It probably won't just be about my weight loss journey, since so much of an eating disorder (binge eating and overeating, in my case) is psychological. I am sure it will explore some aspects of my mental health that I would rather keep hidden under a rock.
It will also keep track of boring, mundane information such as when I ate, how much I weigh, and how far I walked. I am warning you in advance.
And I don't know how I feel about comments. This task is hard enough to do with the voices INSIDE my head, so I am not sure about letting all your voices outside chime in as well. I suppose we'll leave it on a trial period and play it by ear at first. I know I can trust D. to talk sense back into me if I get my rather fragile feelings hurt by someone.
I guess it is time to quit procrastinating and just publish the silly thing.
B
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